Oh, Dark Marks!
by AccioDisney
Summary: Read along as your favourite Death Eaters and their leader Voldemort manage to mess up every mission under the sun! Bella's lost control, Lucius has misplaced his eyeliner, Voldemort wants stew! Oh, Dark Marks!
1. The Death Eaters Have A Sleepover

**So, this is a new piece! **

**I have decided to put the rest on hold for a while, as this is what is interesting me at the moment!**

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><p><strong><span>The Death Eaters Have A Sleepover Party.<span>**

'I have an idea!' Voldemort announced one afternoon, sweeping into the main room of the Malfoy Manor.

'Does it involve dressing Lucius up as a Barbie doll?' Draco asked hopefully.

'No!' snapped Voldemort.

'You're no fun…'

'As leader of the Death Eaters I have decided to hold a sleepover party this evening!' Voldemort said gleefully.

'But why?' asked Narcissa Malfoy. She was probably the most sensible of the Death Eaters, but then again, none of them where particularly bright.

'Because Dumbledore held one for the order last week! Stupid old fool! Trying to upstage at every chance he gets! Well I'll show him! I'm having the best sleepover party in history! EVER!' screeched Voldemort.

The Death Eaters exchanged alarmed looks. They decided to go along with Voldemort's plans.

'Sounds like a great idea!' said Bellatrix.

Voldemort clapped his hands.

'Well, what are you waiting for? Lucius, Draco and Barty you go and make the food. Narcissa, Bella you can decorated the house with party decorations. Rabastan and Rodulphus go down to the store and buy some movies for us to watch. Snape, you can come with me to buy the piñata. And Wormtail...you can...ummmm...guard the...manor...'

'YES!' Cried Wormtail.

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><p>'Really?! The Notebook?' moaned Barty, as the Death Eaters sat on bean bags wearing pink polka dot onesies.<p>

'It was either that or Twilight!' Ro snapped.

'Why don't we leave the movie and have make-overs instead!' gasped Lucius excitedly.

'Fabulous idea Lucius! I'm so happy that you're all entering the spirit of things!' said Voldemort, looking round at all the gloomy Death Eaters.

'OK! I'll go first! Who wants to give me a make-over?' squealed Lucius.

An evil smile appeared on Barty's face.

'I will!' he said mischievously.

Ten minutes later Lucius was sobbing on the floor whilst Snape and Wormtail attempted to rub of the hideous clown face Barty had drawn on Lucius. Barty was standing over them with a mirror, crying with laughter.

Rabastan was busy entertaining Ro, Draco and Narcissa with his party trick.

'Rab, I think you're supposed to blown up the balloon before turning it into the dog,' Ro said gently.

'No, no, no, I know how to do it just give me a minute!' Rabastan grumbled, yanking the balloon out of his brother's reach.

Bella had started a game of poker with Voldemort and emotions were running high.

'DAMN YOU STUPID CARDS! YOU'RE CHEATING BELLA!' screamed Voldemort.

'IF I WAS CHEATING I WOULD BE WINNING! YOU MUST BE CHEATING!' Bellatrix yelled back.

'I most certainly _am not_!' snarled Voldemort.

'OK, OK! Why don't we all settle down in our sleeping bags and play a nice quiet game!' suggested Narcissa.

They all scrambled into the bags, Lucius still sniffling a bit even though Snape had managed to get his face back to normal again.

'What game shall we play?' asked Draco.

'Truth or Dare?'

'Staring Contest?'

'Would you rather?'

'Exploding Snap?'

'We'll have a staring contest!' Voldemort decided.

It was the Lestranges against the Malfoys. Voldemort was the referee.

'You must not blink before the other person does. First up is Draco against Rabastan-'

'KILL HIM, RAB! WE HAVE TO WIN!'

'...thank you Bellatrix...anyway, on your marks! Get set! GO!'

Rab beat Draco 2 seconds into the match.

'It's not fair I wasn't ready!' whined Draco.

'REMATCH!' yelled Lucius.

'Alright, alright! Rematch! On your marks get set GO!' Voldemort yelled.

Rab beat Draco 2 seconds into the match again.

'Rab wins! Next up is Lucius against Rodulphus!' cried Voldemort.

Lucius and Rodulphus took their positions and after a big argument over who was cheating everyone decided Lucius had won. Well...not _everyone_. Bella had had to be restrained by Barty when she attempted to strangle Lucius. Which left Narcissa in quite a nervous wreck for her match. 5 seconds into the match Narcissa screamed:

'BELLA WON I BLINKED PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!'

'Alright! This is the semi-final now! Its Lucius against Rab!' announced Voldemort.

It was a very tense game. It lasted for a minute and Bella had to be taken out of the room by her husband because she screeched herself hoarse. Eventually Rab blinked. All the Malfoys got up and danced around in celebration.

'YEAH! MALFOYS WIN! MALFOYS ARE THE BEST! WHOOP WHOOP!'

'Actually, we haven't had the final yet...' said Voldemort.

The Malfoys stopped dancing and looked fearful.

'It's Lucius against-'

'ME!' grinned Bella bursting back into the room.

'NOOOOOO!' yelled Lucius, turning pale.

The match ended 5 minutes later when Bella tried to Crucio Lucius into blinking. Snape and Voldemort tried to take her out of the room again but she broke free and ended up chasing Lucius and Barty down the drive way of the Manor and out of sight whilst the others watched from the door way.

'Ughh the Orders sleepover was way better than this...' Snape muttered to himself.

'What was that Snape?' asked Voldemort sharply.

'Nothing, nothing...'

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed it!<strong>

**Give a review and tell me what you thought!**


	2. The Death Eaters Go To The SuperMarket

**Hello! Happy 1st December! **

**Thanks to 'lilly flower forever' and 'alyssialui' for your reviews! I hope you enjoy this! Please review!**

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><p><strong><span>The Death Eaters go to the Supermarket.<span>**

'Oh no!' cried Lucius one morning.

'Whats the matter?' asked Rabastan. Lucius was making breakfast and Wormtail was trying to teach Rabastan how to whistle. The rest of the Death Eaters hadn't got up yet.

'We are out of strawberry jam!' gasped Lucius.

'What?! But Narcissa only bought 3 jars last week! Check in all the cupboards!' squeaked Wormtail.

'I have!' said Lucius defiantly, 'we have utterly, most definitely, absolutely, without out doubt RUN OUT OF STRAWBERRY JAM!'

'Can you keep it down - wait...did you just say we've run out of strawberry jam?!' Voldemort had entered the kitchen in his Hannah Montana pyjamas.

'Yes! We have looked everywhere! Someone must have stolen it!' cried Lucius.

'We must go to...THE SUPERMARKET!' Voldemort shouted dramatically.

'What is a supermarket?' asked Rabastan stupidly.

'It's a muggle place where you go to buy food,' explained Voldemort.

'Yes. I went there once I was thrown out for calling some muggle a filthy mudblood. She crashed some metal moving machine in to me,' Lucius grumbled.

'Wormtail. Go wake everyone up! We'll all go!' ordered Voldemort.

Soon everyone was ready to go. Wormtail now had a black eye from when Narcissa had chased him out of her room, hitting him with an umbrella.

'Ok! Barty has managed to steal some Muggle's minivan so we are all set to go,' said Voldemort brightly.

'Does anyone know where the closest MuperSarket is?' asked Draco.

'Supermarket Draco! And no none of us do so we're going to ask someone along the way!' said Narcissa.

The Death Eaters piled into the van. It was a bit of a squash as there were 10 of them. Snape had gone to spy on Dumbledore so he couldn't come.

'Right, I'll drive, Barty you sit in the front with me. The rest of you can sort yourselves out,' Voldemort said.

'Why do I have to sit in the front with you? Sigh Barty.

'Because I told you to,' replied Voldemort.

They had been driving for a while before they saw anyone. Finally Rab spotted an old man walking down the pavement. Voldemort pulled over and Bella rolled down the window to talk to him.

'Hello muggle! Now tell us where the SuperMarket or I'LL CRUCIO YOU TO INSANITY LIKE I DID TO THE LONGBOTTOMS!' she screamed.

Voldemort was just about to pull away in case the man called the 'please-man', apparently they were some sort of muggle aurors or something he didn't really know but he didn't want to risk it. But the old men simply stared at Bella and said:

'What? Speak up I can't hear you!'

'I _said _TELL US WHERE THE SUPERMARKET IS OR I'LL CRUCIO YOU TO INSANITY!' screeched Bella.

'I SAID SPEAK UP LITTLE BOY!' the old man yelled at Bellatrix.

Bella looked extremely offended and tried to get out of the minivan, but Narcissa grabbed hold of her and dragged her back as Voldemort pulled off and carried on driving down the streets.

'Stupid old man! Why didn't you let me kill him Cissy?' Bella hissed.

'It would have drawn attention to us,' said Wormtail.

'And they would have called the 'please-man'! Don't forget the 'please-man'!' added Voldemort.

'Next time we ask someone, Rodulphus can do the talking!' Lucius said.

'Good idea!' agreed Voldemort, glaring at Bella.

They drove round for a bit more until they spotted a big car park with lots of people in.

'That big sign says ASDA. There's lots of people there. Let's ask them where the Supermarket is,' said Draco.

Voldemort stopped the minivan and Rodulphus got out to ask a youngish looking woman.

'Excuse me, can you tell me where the Supermarket is?' he asked politely.

The woman looked at him weirdly and began to back away.

'CAN YOU HEAR ME?' shouted Rodulphus.

The women looked startled and pointed a trembling finger at the giant ASDA towering over them.

'AH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!' yelled Rodulphus as Voldemort parked the minivan terribly and the Death Eaters trooped out.

'Right! Let's split up to find the strawberry jam quicker!' said Voldemort.

The Death Eaters divided into groups and walked up to the big entrance of ASDA.

They were just about to go inside when the doors opened and they were trampled by hundreds of people rushing out of the store.

'What was all that about?' Narcissa asked, gingerly picking herself up of the floor.

'No idea!' Was the collective answer.

'SORRY TO INFORM YOU THERE HAS BEEN A GAS LEAK AND ASDA WILL HAVE TO CLOSE DOWN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! SORRY FOR THE INCONVIENCE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!' a voice came over the loudspeaker.

'NOOOOOOOO!' cried the Death Eaters.


	3. The Death Eaters Go On Holiday

**Hello! Here is the next chapter! Sorry its so short! **

**The next one might take a while to upload, but I'll get there in the end!**

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><p><span><strong>The Death Eaters Go On Holiday<strong>

'I'm bored!' Voldemort announced one Sunday morning.

It had been a busy week for the Death Eaters. On top of all the strawberry jam and supermarket business, Voldemort had a headache. A big one.

'I've finished re-arranging my Disney Princess Stamps! I'm bored!' he moaned, stomping into the kitchen.

'Ah, morning Voldemort! I just finished making my Glitter-Shine-Luminous-Magical-Fantastical-Sparkle-Sugar Cookies! Do you want one? They're still warm?' Lucius shook a silver plate in Voldemort's face. They were the most disgusting, sickly, foul, pink, glittery pieces of junk he had ever seen.

'They are the most disgusting, sickly, foul, pink, glittery pieces of junk I have ever seen!' cried Voldemort in horror.

'I'm so glad you liked them!' said Lucius happily, skipping round the kitchen.

Voldemort poured himself some Coco-Pops and sat down at the enormous black table. Narcissa and Draco were already sat eating toast in the far corner. The three waited in an awkward silence.

'How are you today, my lord?' asked Narcissa.

'I'm not too good actually! I have the most awful headache and I'm bored! We have to do something fun today, as to take my mind off all our failed missions this week!' Voldemort decided.

'Well, I heard that next door are going on holiday! We could go on holiday!' suggested Rodulphus, coming into the kitchen with Rabastan and Bella.

'Excellent idea! We shall go on a holiday for the rest of the week! I shall get splendidly tanned! Let's pack now!' Voldemort leaped up from the table, spilling half his Coco-Pops over himself in the process.

'But we have to book tickets, and find transport, and….and' stuttered Narcissa.

'We could easily apparate to where ever we want to go?' said Draco.

'Well, where can we go?' asked Lucius, as Barty and Wormtail entered the kitchen.

'Barty, Wormtail! We are going on holidays! We are just not entirely sure where yet!' cried Voldemort.

'I know! Let's use our old tent!' Bellatrix exclaimed.

'What tent?' asked Voldemort.

'Cissy and I had a tent when we were young. We used to hide in it and jump out at Andrenomea when she walked passed!' cackled Bella.

'Great! Where is it?' asked Barty.

'In the attic!' said Narcissa.

'We have an attic?' Lucius said in surprise.

'Right! Come on, let's go and get it down!' said Barty.

'Surely it doesn't take all of us to go up to the attic and get a tent!' said Wormtail.

'Barty, Lucius and the twins can go and look for it, whilst the rest of us pack! We'll meet back here in 30 minutes!' Voldemort yelled.

2 and a half hours later

'Well, finding the tent took long than we estimated!' growled Voldemort, glaring around at the Death Eaters.

'We didn't expect there to be 2088 bats in there!' said Rabastan defensively.

'How do you know there were exactly 2088 bats? Asked Bella.

Rodulphus sigh.

'Rab insisted he had to count them because he believes that if there are 2 bats in the same room, bad things will happen,' he explained.

'But….why did he need to….I mean…..never mind….' Muttered Narcissa.

'Anyway, we're going to apparate to a field in Wales, so everyone on the count of three…..1…..2….3'

The Death Eaters straightened themselves up and peered around. Without the realising, it had gone rather dark outside. And cold.

'Wait…where is Snape?' asked Draco suddenly.

'Dunno?'

'Guys…'

'No Idea?'

GUYS!'

'Haven't seen him all day!'

'GUYS I HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM HERE!'

'Last time I saw him he was running down the lawn muttering about being late?'

'GGGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSS!'

'WHAT, WORMTAIL?' screeched Bella.

'I forgot the tent….'

'Told you that 2 bats in the same room bring you bad luck!'

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><p><strong>Thanks to lilly flower forever and JulesCapulet for reviewing!<strong>

**Please review! I love to read them! **

**!IMPORTANT NOTICE!**

**A couple of months ago, I wrote a one-shot about the Hunger Games (Seadon Day). I was thinking maybe to make a collection of one-shots about Annie and Finnick and their son? Let me know if you would be interested in your review!**


	4. The Death Eaters Start A Lemonade Stand

**The Death Eaters Start A Lemonade Stand**

It was a misty Tuesday afternoon and the Death Eaters were down in the dumps. Voldemort had be taken ill after their failed holiday and had been restricted by Snape to his room. The rest of the Death Eaters were restless without him.

'Cissy! I warned you not to drink the last of the lemonade!' cried Bellatrix, breaking the silence that rang through the house.

'You warned me nothing of the sort! In fact, I specifically remember telling you that I was having the last of the lemonade because you stole my hairbrush last week!' Narcissa replied defiantly.

'I most certainly did not steal your hairbrush! Why would I want a horrible glittery-hedgehog on-a-stick like that?'

'Can you shut up please? I am ill and I need some hippogriff stew to take down my fever!' Voldemort screamed from his bedroom.

'WORMTAIL! VOLDEMORT WANTS STEW!' screeched Bella.

The scurry of feet were heard on the floorboards above the sister's heads.

Suddenly a loud shrieking noise erupted from the kitchen.

'What is that noise?' roared Barty from upstairs.

It continued to make a horrible wailing sound over and over again until all of the death eaters crowded in the kitchen. A disturbing sight met their eyes.

'Shut the damn racket off!' Draco yelled covering his ears.

Rabastan pulled a hammer from the kitchen utensil draw, (which Lucius and Voldemort had tastefully decorated with 'Bratz: The Movie' stickers) and smashed it down heavily onto his smoking, screaming wand.

'What happened?' demanded Snape, glaring at the twins, who had been found running round the kitchen, brandishing Rabastan's wand around. While it shrieked at the top of its surprisingly loud voice and smoked purple clouds that smelt faintly of-

'Is somebody making casserole?' Voldemort asked, stumbling into the kitchen.

The Death Eaters cowered in the corner as Voldemort peered round at his smoking kitchen, the broken wand and the Death Eaters frightened faces.

His eyes narrowed and Wormtail let out a terrified whimper.

'What, in the name of Salazar Slytherin, is going on down here?' he whispered dangerously.

The Death Eaters tumbled over one another in eagerness to explain the unfortunate mishap.

'STOP!' Voldemort ordered, 'I don't want to hear your snivelling, apologize! Clean it up!' Voldemort proceeded to swish impressively from the room, when suddenly something caught his snake-like eyes.

'What has happened to my collection of My Little Pony eggcups?' Voldemort hissed as the Death Eaters braced themselves for an explosion.

Voldemort's eggcups where burnt black and chard beyond repair. Voldemort let out an angry scream. It lasted for a while. On and on and on. The Death Eaters shifted uncomfortably. On and on and on. Snape yawned. Rodulphus glanced at his watch. Finally the horrendous noise stopped. Voldemort picked up Lucius' copy of Witch Weekly and began to rip it into tiny pieces.

'NO, MY LORD PLEASE NO HAVE MERCY!' cried Lucius throwing himself down at Voldemort's feet, where he sobbed pitifully on the floor.

Voldemort seemed to see sense. He set down the magazine on the table. He would never admit it, but he was rather a big fan of Witch Weekly himself, and he hadn't managed to sneak this one into his room to read yet. Then, he also remembered he had a letter he needed to send to the publishers about how to improve it anyway. He hadn't wanted to seem pushy, so he'd just suggested a few things like a page called 'How To Kill Without Being Caught', or you know, some child friendly tips on kidnapping. Voldemort chuckled at the thought, before giving his head a slight shake and turning his attention back to the Death Eaters.

'I won't punish Lucius in this way, because I know how much he wanted to read the horoscopes. Instead you must split into teams and each come up with an idea to make enough money to replace Rabastan's wand and my eggcups. Wormtail is excused because he has to be my servant and make me stew and tuck me into bed,' said Voldemort, and with that he turned on his heels and marched out of the kitchen.

The Death Eaters could hear him cursing as he tripped over his wellington boots on the stairs.

They decided to troop outside, in fear of annoying Voldemort further.

'I'm picking the groups! I want to be team captain!' yelled Bella.

'No, no, no! We'll let Snape pick the teams because he's the fairest!' said Draco. Everyone but Bella agreed.

Snape picked Narcissa, Draco and Rodulphus to be on his team to make money for the eggcups, which left Bella with Rabastan, Lucius and Barty to make money for the wand. Understandably Bella was in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Bella's team retreated to the back garden to make their plans, whilst Snape's team stayed in the front.

'Now let's brainstorm some ideas and then choose the best one!' said Snape.

'We could steal the money from innocent muggles as they pass by?'

'No that would never work! We should break into Gringotts and take it from there!'

'That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard!'

Meanwhile in the back garden…

'We should break into Gringotts and take it from there!'

'That is the best idea I have ever heard!

Bella's team jumped to their feet and ran inside to get some paper.

Just as they passed the front room window they overheard Narcissa.

'Let's start a lemonade stand in Knockturn Alley! Everyone loves lemonade!'

Bella's team looked at each other mysteriously. It was true of course. Everyone loves lemonade.

A couple of hours later when the stalls and signs had been made, Snape's team apparated to Knockturn Alley, unseen by their rivals.

The team set up outside Borgin and Burkes.

'Ok! Remember, Rodulphus and Draco are handing out leaflets, Narcissa is handing out the lemonade and I'm handling the money!' Snape reminded.

Draco cautiously approached the first customer. A small witch.

'Hello ma'am! Would you like to buy some lemonade?'

'Gurgrgh ruuhggggg gruhrgr!' said the woman, nodding her head.

'Come with me!' said Draco, accompanied by his best 'give-me-all-you-money' face. It was quite impressive. He practiced it every day in the mirror.

The lady bought 5 glasses of lemonade for 3 galleons and 50 sickles. She seemed rather dull and couldn't understand the Death Eaters much. It wasn't until after she left that Snape realised that she was a troll and couldn't understand human language. Oh well, no good crying over spilt pumpkin juice!

The Death Eaters carried on the tiresome business for another hour, but didn't have the luck of customer or a witless troll to sell their (now rather warm) lemonade to.

'I wonder what the others are up to….' Said Rodulphus.

Back in Malfoy Manor, the rest of the death eaters still hadn't agreed on what to call their lemonade stand.

'How about Lucius' Luscious Lemonade!?' Lucius cried.

'No way! It's not your business!' shrieked Bella.

'How about we use the Lucius, but we call it Lucius the Loser's Lemonade!' grinned Rabastan.

'Oh hahaha! You can't even blow up a balloon properly!' snapped Lucius.

'Stop messing around! I have the worst group ever! You two can even talk sensible for a minute and Barty hasn't said a word in an hour!' screeched Bella.

'I've been thinking. I know where we can get the money,' said Barty calmly.

'Where!? Tell me, tell me WHERE!?' Bellatrix lunged forward and grabbed Barty's shirt.

'When I was up in the attic looking for the tent, I came across a secret stash of money' Barty explained, shaking himself free of Bellatrix's grasp.

'How much!? Enough for my wand?' gasped Rabastan.

'Sure! I'll fetch it, whilst you get rid of all this lemonade junk because if the others see it they'll just go on and on about how it was their idea first and blah blah blah!' said Barty and he disappeared upstairs.

The others set about cleaning up the lemonade and papers and paints. After about 10 minutes, Snape and the others came back to the house. They all sat down and discussed the day.

'What did you do to earn money?' asked Rodulphus.

'Well…..we….umm…we did a…c-car boot sale! Yes, yeah that's what we did!' stuttered Bellatrix.

'We did a lemonade stand!' said Draco proudly, 'We made 3 galleons and 50 sickles!'

'What did you make?' asked Narcissa suspiciously.

'20 galleons!' yelled Barty triumphantly, bursting into the room.

There was a loud thump from upstairs and Voldemort appeared at the door.

'Have you got my money for the eggcups?' he asked.

Snape handed him the 3 galleons and 50 sickles.

'Good, good! But you're all still in trouble so go to your rooms!' Voldemort ordered.

'Yes, my lord…' chanted the Death Eaters.

'Oh, and Lucius…'

'Yes, my lord?'

'I'm confiscating your Witch Weekly for a while. And all the copies that are delivered to this address need to come straight to me!' said Voldemort and he swept from the room.

The Death Eaters traipsed up to their rooms. After about a minute or so they all heard Bella's shriek of horror.

'BARTY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU TOOK THE MONEY FROM _MY_ SECRET STASH, NOT THE ONE FROM THE ATTIC!'

'Oh, I thought your bedroom was the attic! You know, dusty, damp, full of cobwebs!' Barty sneered back.

As Narcissa and Lucius sat in their bedroom listening to Bella and Barty screech about the galleons that Rabastan and Rodulphus had already taken down to Ollivanders with Voldemort's permission, Lucius tossed his bleached blonde hair and said:

'Oh Narcissa, I borrowed your pink hairbrush last week, hope you don't mind!'

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><p><strong>Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you like this chapter, the next one will be up soon!<strong>

**Please review this and tell me what you thought, it would make my day!**


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